"how's motherhood?"

Whenever someone asks that question, I feel like there's only 1 right answer, the PC answer, which is "great! awesome! so rewarding!" and even though it is all those things, I thought I'd lend a little perspective, or at least MY perspective.

Motherhood is hard.

To say it is the hardest thing I've ever done is both cliche, and true. I use to silently roll my eyes at people who say it. Come on!! I thought. I survived medical training (rather sheltered of me to use a school analogy I know), how hard can being a mom really be?? I had these illusions of going window shopping, taking walks in the park with my baby while on maternity leave, catching up on some medical journals while the baby slept, and trying out new recipes for supper. Instead, I was in my PJs all day, barely had time to shower, and left the house only when absolutely necessary (which usually meant I ran out of baby supplies). At times, I was so sleep deprived I thought I'd go insane or that my body would just shut down.

I felt guilty for every waking moment that I wasn't interacting with the baby because I was simply emotionally and physically spent. I felt guilty for being on the internet or watching the clock until his next nap.

I worried about him not eating enough, missing a nap, having too many birthmarks, having hard poops, not having teeth, not feeding himself, his room being too dark, not dark enough, the humidifier running out of water, the humidifier making the room too humid, him not enrolled in music class, exercise class, not exposed to enough sun and fresh air, not having enough developmentally appropriate toys...I really could go on forever.

I'm so amazed at those first time moms who seem to have it all together. They wear dresses and makeup, and look good in christmas pictures. They take their babies to mum and baby yoga. They never have nipple pain, are on time to church, and dress their babies in shoes!! What's with shoes!! They are babies!!! They don't need shoes!!! (sorry, small rant). When I ask "how's motherhood" hoping for something akin to the above two paragraphs (yes, misery does love company), I get "it's great, I'm enjoying the baby." Maybe they are just saying the PC thing, maybe I just don't know them well enough, or maybe they are super human, or maybe I am super weak. Probably all of the above.

There are plenty of reasons not to have a child if you're looking for one, but only one reason why you should: to know what it feels like to love a little person so much that just their adoring smile or peaceful sleep makes everything you've been through okay. I hope heaven is something like that feeling you get when your baby lifts his own blanket to play peek-a-boo with you. And as you shower all this unconditional love on them, there are no guarantees that they will return that same love forever and for always, but it doesn't matter, you'll do it anyways. Reminds me of our relationship with God, and to think that he loves us even more than that...