"THE EXAM" is done. Nothing crazy happened, the usual statistics station that I hope will be thrown out as most people handed in a blank sheet for that station. I don't feel the same relief I did after finishing the written component a month ago. I guess pediatricians are lazy, they're taking their sweet time marking the exam, making us suffer through this long weekend instead of posting the marks on Friday.
So far, I've had 2 dreams of failing the exam (one 2 days before the exam, the second just last night). In my dream, I log on to the Royal College website and see a lot of writing, none of which said "congratulations" or "pass", I can't quite make out what it says, but I believe the gist of it was that it didn't go well. Obviously, I've got a lot of underlying anxiety. Good thing I'm not superstitious, and my trust is in the Lord.
Since the exam, I've been kinda restless, not quite sure what to do with myself. And the weather hasn't been cooperating either. I can't tidy up my study room by throwing out old notes because "what if I need to use them again??!!" I've done laundry, tidied up my bathroom counter, and taken out skin care samples that I should use up (so what if they're for wrinkles?)
Things I want to do now that I have time and no excuses:
1. Exercise! Since January, I've gone to the gym once, which mean I paid $150 for that 20min workout. Awesome! (I've since cancelled my membership). I think I'll just get back into my Turbo Jam videos. Haven't picked a start date for this yet.
2. Be more consistent with my time with God - In his word and in prayer. Since so many people have prayed for me for my exam (no matter what the outcome), it's moved me to pray more deliberately for others. That means asking them, writing things down, and following-up.
3. Read...and I mean books! Not just InStyle magazine, or BBC world news online. At Christmas time, the peds department gave all the residents $100 gift certificate to a local bookstore, and I finally used it today. Here's what I got:
a. Life of Pi (Yann Martel)
b. The Kite Runner (Khaled Hosseini)
c. The Alchemist (Paulo Coelho)
d. The Lovely Bones (Alice Sebold)
e. I am America, and so can you (Stephen Colbert) ... winner of the Stephen Colbert award for the literary excellence
If anyone has any good book recommendations, I'd love to know! It's hard to know what to buy, just from the covers.
I'll probably also rent movies I had wanted to see, but didn't think that goal was lofty enough to warrant a number on my list.
2 comments:
My theory is that the more you talk about your anxiety, the less those "anxious" themes would come up in your dream. :)
Your list is great!!! I should learn from you and make a list myself when I'm "all done"!
The Kiterunner is great! I only watched the movie but heard the book was even better, as always.
Have you read the "Road less traveled" by Oliver Sack? I really liked it. Although...you've got a whole bunch in your hands now...that'd probably take a while :).
can I please borrow the stephen colbert book when you're done? I'm still on hold at the library for that book. :)
sometimes you can order stuff online. if you haven't read yancey books, I'd recommend "what's so amazing about grace?" and/or "the Jesus I never knew". I own both of those, so if you want to borrow, you can... but I definitely think everyone should own a copy of these books.
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